This is my experience. This I know to be true:
Deep in our hearts, buried in the core of our internal being, we have a space for the Divine that can only be filled by God. Many theologians and philosophers, artists and writers have said this before me. I know it to be true from my own journey into the spiritual experience. I hear people talk about it almost daily.
After a lifetime of church-based instruction about God there came a point (when I was ready and not before) when above all else I desired something larger than the teachings about God that I had generously been given by my fellow man; I longed for something greater than someone else’s testimony of God. I was tired of knowing things about God but not knowing God. I made a decision to move beyond the beatitudes and platitudes that I had been hand-fed my entire life. I did not need any more answers. I needed God.
So I left the church in search of God. Armed with nothing but a bitter taste in my mouth of what I did not want and a wisp of faith that God was capable of revealing God’s true Self to me through whatever means necessary, I launched out on my journey. This was my dark night of the soul; this was my mustard seed genesis that has grown into a tree-sized system of belief and action that governs my every move and decision.
There are many among us, and I was one, who have heads full of the knowledge of what the scriptures say about God, but who have very little sense of what it is to lead a God-surrendered or Spirit-filled life. I was taught much of what I knew about God by people who were quite possibly agnostics; at least they seemed unsure of what they believed when you got them down out of the pulpit where you could touch them, look them in the eye, and ask them questions. I find this to be true today of some of the loudest and most confident-appearing preachers. They seem to be preaching in order to convince themselves to believe. I don’t have a problem with this but I do think it’s ridiculous to let only one doubter, the one getting paid to be there, do all the talking in church.
Doubts are part of what makes faith authentic. “I believe, now help me with what I don’t believe.” (Mark 9:24 paraphrased) People who have biblical answers for every situation make me nervous. I prefer to hang out with spiritual seekers who are not uncomfortable with questions and who can laugh at the oldest of the sacred cows. Sacrilegious humor in my opinion is the most soul-cleansing.
Do not worry about the language you use when you seek God. God can handle it. Do not feel as if you must envision the person, the man, or the mystery of Christ for him to become real to you. Instead, let the eyes of your spirit look up to see God in the everyday wonder of life and contemplate whatever goodness you experience. God will meet you there and bring you to the highest forms of truth in God’s good time. For the time being, anything that brings you a sense of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness and self-control is the Spirit of the Almighty growing new life inside of you. Embrace these with your heart and soul and let your mind fend for itself. God has no difficulty in revealing who God is to those who earnestly seek God.
Let your fears fall from you, especially those that grip your heart and lead you to hold on to temporal and material things. Focus on love and fear will flee. God is love. Fear is self. Spirituality explores the freedoms of God; religion attempts to contain God and control what people think and believe about God. Religion costs money. God, however, is free. Though it may work for you, you don’t have to practice a religion to experience God, especially if it has been a source of bondage for you. And while you may have to work through feelings of guilt and shame because of your decision to leave it behind it is not all that difficult to do.
As Paul Simon sang back in the 70s, “…just drop off the key, Lee, and get yourself free.”
This is my experience. This I know to be true.
Dan Gilliam
Author of “God Touches: Finding Faith in the Cracks and Spaces of My Life”
3 comments
Apr 10, 2007
tim says:
“…I do think it’s ridiculous to let only one doubter, the one getting paid to be there, do all the talking in church.”
This is probably my favorite thought from this letter. I agree. Thank you for writing.
May 19, 2007
Robin says:
You cannot live on a borrowed revelation.
Jul 21, 2007
sharris1026 says:
Bless you, Dan. Religion may be the greatest hindrance to finding God. What we know OF Him can never compare to KNOWING Him! Some of your remarks remind me of the series of Neale Donald Walsch’s books I am reading, Conversations with God. I stumbled upon the first one at a garage sale for a quarter, and they have been like a breath of fresh air, confirming ideas I’ve had about God, but hadn’t been able to consolidate as concisely as he has. I don’t agree with everything Walsch espouses, but I am enjoying the “new thoughts” I’ve been presented with. This, too, represents freedom in Christ. The liberty to ascertain truth for ourselves through the leading of His Spirit. We no longer have to fall in lockstep with someone elses ideas of what we should read, listen to, or believe.