“O Lord, thou has searched me and known me, though knowest my downsitting and mine uprising, thou understandest my thought afar off. Thou compassest my path and my lying down, and art acquainted with all my ways. For there is not a word in my tongue, but lo, O Lord, thou knowest it altogether………..whithere shall I go from thy spirt? or whither shall I flee from thy presence?

If ascend up into heaven, thou are there: if I make my bed in hell, behold thou art there…….If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea; even there shall thy hand lead me and thy right hand shall hold me……If I say, surely the darkness shall cover me; even the night shall be light about me……Yeah, the darkness hideth not from thee, but the night shineth as the day: the darkness and the light are both alike to thee………

I also see a gentleness and humility, a confession of helplessness and dependency on God, if He exists, to reveal Himself in His time. This seems to me to be one who has been prepared to meet the Living God.

I was raised in a Baptist Church just like your Texas upbringing. I left the church for no conscious reason other than apathy and remained out for 30 years with no interest in a church, no thoughts regarding God whatsoever. Then, in the middle of the night I had a Damascus road experience and everything has changed.

Desertbloom, you are young and you have a collection of beliefs. In the old testament they were called idols. But here’s the deal-Jesus claimed to be the only way. No one goes to God except through Jesus. It isn’t unfair because God isn’t unfair. You either believe Jesus or you have to think Jesus lied.

First, I suspect I’m older than you think, but whatever. It took me over a decade to come to peace with my feelings. I suspect my peace is what bothers you most.

1. I think the Christian God as described in the Bible (both Old and New Testament) is unfair.
2. Right, there might not be a God. 3. The Christian God condems people to Hell, based on their culture, and I don’t accept that as truth. 4. I have been disappointed by Christians, but mostly I’ve been disappointed with theology.

Let me be very clear on these three points:
1. I do not believe, nor will I ever believe, that Jesus is the only Way, the only Truth, and the only Life. Maybe Jesus lied, or maybe other men have lied about what he said.
2. If God is a Christian God then I don’t want much to do with Him.
3. I respect your belief in the infallibility of the Bible, and I expect (on this website, atleast) for others here to respect my right not to, even if they don’t understand it. I believe I finally found the right forum to do it, and I thank the creators of this site for forming this blog, allowing me a proper outlet.

I, too, grew up in the church, attending every Sunday. I stopped when I went to college, mostly because I realized I was doing it out of habit, not due to any desire within myself.

I consider myself a good person worthy of a ‘better place’ after death, if there indeed is such a place. But I cannot believe that only those who believe that Jesus is the only way will be the ones who go there.

Thank you for putting your feelings out there.

I just want to encourage you not to envy those that truly believe. If the price for peace is that you have to endorse something that seems totally unbelievable to you, then embrace paying the price for being a truth seeker and a free-thinker.

By the 79 and twenty-something, I assume that is your birth year. I have a daughter who is that same age, and if there ever was a true believer, it’s her. She lives and breathes Jesus every moment of her life. I have at least a small part in her being where she is today, as the father who helped raise her in an evangelical Christian home. Now, I think I would be happier if she were where you are today than mired in a life of false religion and the whackiness of her “charismatic” church. I love her to death, and I see her living a life full of guilt that she is not doing enough for Jesus, even to the point of not allowing herself to just be human. She is so talented and sweet, but if she were in a commune in some cult, she couldn’t be any more trapped. I can’t say these things to her, but please don’t be envious. The really “radically saved” crowd is pretty scary.

You are right to have questioned the message of Christianity and the church. I spent 30 years as a conservative Christian in the evangelical church, and have only recently left, at least in my heart and mind. My family structure is not one in which I have felt secure to come out of the closet yet, but I left the faith for some of the same reasons as you. My “epiphany” came when I decided to put down all the biblical commentaries and sermon notes and just read the bible with an open and questioning mind. It didn’t take too long for me to come to a conclusion that I could not accept the Hebrew scriptures as the word, or work, of God. I was overwhelmed with the feeling that I was reading nothing but Hebrew mythology and legend. You know the old saying, ” If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, well, it’s probably a duck!” The whole narrative just reeks of mythology, full of primitive superstitions and horrible cruelty. As I’ve said before,”bad math, bad science, bad god”. It’s the bad god that bothered me the most and took me to the breaking point of believability as the work of an awesome creator.

Let’s just take encouragement from each other that we are on the right track, even if we are going against the flow. Feel free to drop me a line, which I guess you could do by responding to my own letter here titled, “My Unfinished Story of Leaving”. Wally