Looking back throughout my childhood and teen years, I realize it was always called “The Church,” as I suppose most churches are called which promote themselves as the one true organization representing Christ on earth.  Not only did it profess to be Christ’s sole representative, but it professed itself to be the only church which CONTAINED Christ, the only church in which Jesus could be found.  From my perspective NOW, I can see this as nothing but preposterous, even blasphemous.  It’s the equivalent of saying that our body encompasses and directs our head.  In effect, churches which set themselves up as the sole operatives of Christ do that very thing, attempt to put him in a box and make Him subject to their dictates, thereby creating a “headless” body, usurping the authority of Jesus and setting their institutions up as false gods to be worshipped by unsuspecting souls.  There is no greater abomination than to take the very name of Jesus Christ, the One who came to set captives free, and use it to entrap souls of men.

 Entrapped I was.  For thirty-four years I bought into the lie that there was only one true “church” on earth, only one church in which Jesus could be found.  For thirty-four years I believed that Christ’s church was a visible entity, and was assigned a particular name, and for those outside of that organization, that ”ark of safety,” certain damnation awaited.  The “ark of safety” sailed away without me when I was twenty-years-old and married a man outside of that church.  I married in blissful ignorance, under the assumption that he and I would each continue going to our own separate churches, and I could continue to be in God’s favor by attending His “one true church.”  However, my bliss was shortlived, as was my ignorance.  I awoke to harsh reality when I was forced to make a choice between my husband and my church.  I chose my husband, but I was damned in doing so.  By walking away from my church, away from the god of my youth, I also believed I was walking away from God Himself.  I believed I had lost all chance of redemption, and could only look forward to a fiery hell, as I had always been taught.  My life became a living hell as I lived in dread of the day when I believed I would have to pay for my “crime” of leaving “the church.”  For fourteen years, I lived in unremitting and debilitating fear to a degree which most people cannot even begin to conceive of.  For all of those fourteen years I still believed that salvation was only to be found in that one church, and I was not a part of it.  I tried to find others ways of looking at scriptures which might indicate some possibility of other churches being “okay,” but because of the deep level of my childhood indoctrination, I could see no interpretation for scriptures other than what I’d been previously taught.  I was an emotional and spiritual cripple, lost and undone, with fear ruling my life.  But to my joy, July 4th, 1995 became my personal Independence Day.  God chose that day to reveal His unconditional love to me, bringing me to my knees with the overwhelming realization that He loved me in spite of anything I could ever do, and in spite of anything I had NOT done.  He showed me that I was totally unworthy of His goodness no matter what church I attended or did NOT attend, and my unworthiness is WHY Jesus died.  Oh, my GOD!!!  I could NEVER be good enough, no matter how hard I tried.  Jesus does it in my place!  I was free!!!  My church had taught me the ultimate lie, that I might be able to be good enough if I tried hard enough.  They made the sacrifice of God of no effect.  Jesus died in vain for those who believe they might be able to be good enough to measure up to God’s standards.

With my liberty came freedom from fear in the realization that I am in Christ’s True Church no matter where I am at on earth because I am trusting in HIM for salvation, NOT an earthly organization.  His Kingdom is not of this world, yet men with their earthly organizations try to make it so.  BLASPHEMY!!!

With my liberty, too, came great anger toward the earthly church which I was raised in.  Anger that I had been lied to and had bought into the deception for so many years, anger for the years the “locusts had eaten.” I began “trying out” other churches, churches which taught “salvation by grace, through faith.”  I thought perhaps they had a better fix on Christianity because they didn’t openly teach from the pulpit that they were the “one true church.”  I soon realized the sad truth, though. No matter what doctrinal differences they espoused, every church promoted itself as a saving institution, a “vehicle of salvation.”  You’d better be there if you wanted to be “right with God,” and if you weren’t there, or in some other church, hell would await you.  Condemnation and fear-mongering control tactics were practiced by one and all.  Jesus came to set captives FREE, free to serve Him motivated solely by love, not to be made slaves  to institutions which bear His name in vain!

Letter Author's Survey Responses

Which best articulates your current affiliation with the church?
I no longer attend any church, but would like to believe I will follow the Spirit's leading if He directs me to attend once again.
How would you characterize your current spiritual expression?
I read, meditate, and pray; not as regularly as I would like to, though. I truly believe we serve God by serving others, although I am not yet what I ought to be in that area either.
What were your attendance habits at your previous church?
I was there once a week or more.
How would you describe your prior church involvement?
Deeply indoctrinated, and a "faithful member."
How old are you?
40 something
Where do you live?
Purdy, Missouri