2007 September archive at Letters From Leavers

Archive for September, 2007

Freedom!

Published by

at September 23, 2007 in Letters. 2 Comments

All my life I was told to respect the church and believe and I did. When the clergy abuse scandals started coming to light I was horrified. I couldn’t believe institutions that professed to be about the truth and love covered it up, hid it and denied it. Then the media was blamed. I then did what I was always taught to do, I went and talked to someone in the church about it. In the end I didn’t get any kind of answers that satisfied me in any way. In fact I was purely disgusted! I got a retread of what was in the papers and the pass-the-buck-blame-game.

After a lot of soul searching and thinking I was close to making a decision about what I wanted to do then one action pushed me to one: the church asked the CONGREGATION to assist in paying off a judgement. Oh NO! NO WAY! NOT ME! Not only did they cover it up, allow it to continue, blame everyone else, do nothing about it, let the victims suffer, do nothing for the victims, etc. but now they had the GALL to ASK the congregation to pay for THEIR mistakes. I was DONE! D-O-N-E! I come from a large family who goes back countless generations with that religion but I was through. I didn’t just leave, I formally resigned with a letter that stated clearly, with no ambiguity, why I was resigning and how appalled I was by what was done.

No, it wasn’t easy. I got personal visits from clergy and other church members. I got calls from relatives (I was under 18 at the time). They tried everything but I was gone, G-O-N-E! No more for me. The disgust I felt for the institution knew no bounds. They may do some good acts but it cannot, in my opinion, make up for how it treated the most vulnerable of its’ followers.

At that point I still did believe in God. I bounced from church to church trying to find one I felt good in. I couldn’t find one. Either I was ignored by all, had their doctrine shoved down my throat, was creeped out by over-religious members that tried to reel me in like a fish on a hook, listened to sermon after sermon where the thing most mentioned was money and how to be sure you tithed, how they were right, blatant politics from the pulpit, having a rigid belief shoved down your throat with no room to question and everyone else was wrong so they were going to hell. In that exploration I heard, from a religion that is supposed to be about love and peace, some of the most hateful and nasty things about certain types, classes, kinds, etc. of people that I was horrified. I couldn’t believe the hatred and nastiness coming from places of worship. In the end I gave up, deciding to just be spiritual without a church.

I sat down and did what so many tell you when your faith begins to falter; I read the bible and anything else I could about my religion. In the end all that came from it is a great deal of confusion. Suddenly things I had never questioned and took as-is made no sense. The more I read the more it made no sense or came to me that it just couldn’t have happened or if it did where is the proof. The more I tried to find that ‘truth’ the more I was driven away. Finally, the inevitable happened: my faith died.

In the end I did find a faith that I believed but it wasn’t in the religion I grew up with. Then, from that religion, I am now seeing the worst yet again. Not only do people try to do the heavy duty conversion with me-trying to bring me back (that hard sell does the opposite with me sorry) but like so many others of my faith we see the worst of the hateful nature of that faith; being called the foulest of names, getting the superior attitude, out and out discrimination in so many cases, hatefulness and in some cases pure threats and meanness! It was so bad that those of us around here had to get an order of protection against several church groups! So much for peace, love and understanding…

Despite that I am finally happy with my faith and at peace with it. I made my choice and it suits me.

clergy abuse, hate
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Real Forgiveness

Published by

krissy

at September 19, 2007 in Letters. 12 Comments

We were members of the “largest Pentecostal denomination in the world” for over ten years now. My husband served on the board and led major events.

We loved the Lord (still do), but we still had struggles.

In Jan 2006, my husband’s struggle with a personal sin came to the surface.

My husband repented and confessed to our pastor in April 2006. We had been seeing a Christian counselor since Jan.
The pastor told him to step down from everything.

After a year of restoration - a bible study and prayer time with the pastor, he was told he was restored. But we weren’t treated like there was restoration.

We felt ostracized, not helped and supported.
I told my pastor many times that I was hurting and I didn’t feel that restoration had taken place.

We tried to get involved and found that it was a “our team” vs “your team” mentality. We weren’t ONE as we used to be. No unity. No one stood with us, no one helped us.

People who were our friends before, suddenly disappeared.

Over the next year, we ran into or became friends with many others who had left our church. We didn’t look for them. We were like magnets for the hurting. To this day they are not in a church they call home.

We got frustrated and things came to a head when I lost my last ministry I had been a part of for about 8 years. It was a thank you, but we don’t need you email.

I was devastated and called/emailed my pastor.
He never responded.

The next day I went to the church and he was there. He wanted to talk in the sanctuary, while his wife set up for prayer time.

I asked him if he got my email and message. He said yes, and he prayed and God told him not to respond.

My husband had just started going back to his Bible study. He noticed everytime we try to take a step forward, we’re slammed 2 back.

Then he said, as my friend and not my pastor, “If I were you, I’d consider going to another church, even another denomination.”

This blew my mind and I yelled, “Are you not my shepherd, am I not your lamb, don’t you love or care for us?”

We talked about forgiveness and he admitted he’s just a man and cannot forget what my husband did. He also thought my husband should have repented more in front of him, broke down and cried during one of their sessions.

He said it more than once. I left broken hearted.

I apologized and repented for yelling a few days later by email.

2 weeks later we received a certified letter from the elder board, being called into a window at their next meeting.

I think our story is a sad one. What effected my family, is happening to Christian families everyday.

Why can’t we confess and be real? Why can’t we get real forgiveness and healing?

Why is the end result this?

I have 3 young adult children that grew up in our church.
Now, we are “homeless”.

I don’t recommend confessing personal sin to your pastor unless you are willing to lose it all.

forced out of church, no forgiveness in church, told to go to another church, unforgiven by church, unforgiveness in pentecostal church
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grace is the only weapon against rulers in established church systems

Published by

widonicki

at September 2, 2007 in Letters. 1 Comment

I read with a strong desire just to say dont you know you are forgiven. We all need to know we are forgiven first. Unconditional. Forever. If we dont stand on that forgiveness we will be tossed around by all wind of doctrine. I dont care what a pastor or leader says anymore. I want to hear forgiveness and grace come out of there mouths. I dont want to hear more rules and doctrines. I dont want to hear how bad we are. I want to hear how Jesus took all of our sins apon the cross once for all eternity. We all sin and fall short. So yes i need reminding that We are truly righteous despite my sin. Have you ever wondered about the practice of asking for forgiveness imediately you sin. As a pentacostal we are taught to keep short accounts, but We are already forgiven. It raises another question. On the day of pentacost a multitude believed and it was credited to them as righteousness. Do you believe. ? Do you Believe or are you racked with guilt. What is left for us to do. I tell you it is to believe that you are truly forgiven. To simple for some. To easy for others. Surely i must do something. Surely i can find some filthy rags somewhere. Surely i must give up a sin to be righteous. I declare the sin is not the anwser . Knowing that you are truly and totaly once for all eternity forgiven. Jesus hung upon the cross . His sacrifice was perfect. His work was complete. All law was fulfilled. Our forgiveness complete.

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