We were members of the “largest Pentecostal denomination in the world” for over ten years now. My husband served on the board and led major events.
We loved the Lord (still do), but we still had struggles.
In Jan 2006, my husband’s struggle with a personal sin came to the surface.
My husband repented and confessed to our pastor in April 2006. We had been seeing a Christian counselor since Jan.
The pastor told him to step down from everything.
After a year of restoration - a bible study and prayer time with the pastor, he was told he was restored. But we weren’t treated like there was restoration.
We felt ostracized, not helped and supported.
I told my pastor many times that I was hurting and I didn’t feel that restoration had taken place.
We tried to get involved and found that it was a “our team” vs “your team” mentality. We weren’t ONE as we used to be. No unity. No one stood with us, no one helped us.
People who were our friends before, suddenly disappeared.
Over the next year, we ran into or became friends with many others who had left our church. We didn’t look for them. We were like magnets for the hurting. To this day they are not in a church they call home.
We got frustrated and things came to a head when I lost my last ministry I had been a part of for about 8 years. It was a thank you, but we don’t need you email.
I was devastated and called/emailed my pastor.
He never responded.
The next day I went to the church and he was there. He wanted to talk in the sanctuary, while his wife set up for prayer time.
I asked him if he got my email and message. He said yes, and he prayed and God told him not to respond.
My husband had just started going back to his Bible study. He noticed everytime we try to take a step forward, we’re slammed 2 back.
Then he said, as my friend and not my pastor, “If I were you, I’d consider going to another church, even another denomination.”
This blew my mind and I yelled, “Are you not my shepherd, am I not your lamb, don’t you love or care for us?”
We talked about forgiveness and he admitted he’s just a man and cannot forget what my husband did. He also thought my husband should have repented more in front of him, broke down and cried during one of their sessions.
He said it more than once. I left broken hearted.
I apologized and repented for yelling a few days later by email.
2 weeks later we received a certified letter from the elder board, being called into a window at their next meeting.
I think our story is a sad one. What effected my family, is happening to Christian families everyday.
Why can’t we confess and be real? Why can’t we get real forgiveness and healing?
Why is the end result this?
I have 3 young adult children that grew up in our church.
Now, we are “homeless”.
I don’t recommend confessing personal sin to your pastor unless you are willing to lose it all.
forced out of church, no forgiveness in church, told to go to another church, unforgiven by church, unforgiveness in pentecostal churchEmail this LFL Content to a Friend
Remember that Jesus is the shepherd and his love for you is unceasing. No sin, failing, or rejection on earth can separate you from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Thanks for sharing.
I don’t understand the comment about a new church or denomination. That’s what has me perplexed.
Krissy,
Your story is close to my heart. It is sad how true the statement is that “The church is the only army that shoots its wounded”.
There is so much going through my mind right now it is hard to focus, but hear goes…
First, understand that our battle is not against flesh and blood, or pastors and friends. It is against spiritual powers. We have an enemy that despises and hates us only less then God himself. Satan will do anything to steal your heart away from God. Even use those closest to you. The IC today has become blind by the fact satan even exist. That is satan’s greatest accomplishment. If he is out of the picture we have to blame ourselves, each other, and God for all the bad and evil that happens to us, or we do.
Second, God loves you. You cannot earn His Love. His love is unconditional. When we confess our sins it is not to gain God’s favor, but for our own healing. God is always pursuing the broken, hurting, sinful people. Before they repent, or confess their sins, or even turn to Him. That does not change when we do turn to Him. He still pursues us to no end, even at the cost of His own life. Unfortunately the IC thinks that you have to earn God’s love, at least theirs anyway. That is sad, sad that they cannot grasp the true meaning of Unconditional Love. We cannot earn it. The best part of that is; We do not have to! “He loves us with passion without regret, He cannot love us more and will not love us less!!” (M. Card, Joy in the Journey)
When we do come to God he gives us a new Heart. A good heart! a restored heart…Krissy…you have a good heart!…your husband has a good heart…You are GOOD!
You may already have read my story - http://lettersfromleavers.com/blog/2007/05/09/leaving-worcc-work/
This is a good one too -
http://lettersfromleavers.com/blog/2007/03/11/does-the-ic-do-more-harm-than-good/
I have found a more intimate relationship to God since I left the IC then all the years I was in it. It is a good thing to seek God on your own.
I like that you yelled and screamed at your pastor. Jesus did the same thing to the religious leaders in His day.
Well, enough rambling for now.
Peace and Joy,
Rocco
I am feeling terribly afraid of my soon to be former church. I spoke with a friend tonight who used to go to my church and she told me that when her mother left, they found out where she went and sent them a letter saying she was a trouble maker!
A pastor from our church called my friend not long ago, simply to find out what the name of her pastor is and what church she goes to. She said she could not remember the name of the either and that was the end of the conversation.
My friend was terribly hurt by our church!
God used my family in an amazing way for her wedding at our church. They treated her so bad, that her entire family left the church after her wedding. They had been there even longer than us, more than 10 years.
I am afraid that my pastor is going to send a most UNWANTED poster to churches nearby with my family’s photo on it!
What is the desired outcome to such actions by a pastoral staff? That the people who were hurt and left are never able to go to a church again????
Is that Biblical????
None of this makes sense and I feel that we are indeed in a war!
Sounds like this church did you a favor. Obviously they don’t get salvation/forgiveness and lack the love necessary to nurture Christians in their journey. I and my family ended up leaving a church we grew up in because of this type of behavior towards sinners (which is each and every one of us).
I pray that God grant you the healing to continue in the journey. God isn’t done with you and the only Person that needs to forgive you already did. “It is finished”.
Peace
As I mentioned in my first post we received a certified letter from the elder board, being called into a window at their next meeting.
We did not feel that we would get fair treatment in a time constrained, pre-service portion of their regular board meeting this Sunday.
We sent our a letter to every board member’s home today via certified mail.
We stayed above board, not throwing anyone under the bus, in an effort to come to a positive resolution.
We await a response. My husband is in bed still at 1:30 pm more depressed than he has ever been.
Please pray for us, please pray for the church and a heart that is willing and open for REAL FORGIVENESS and REAL HEALING!
Hi, I know we want the ideal and that is for people to live like the bible but really we cant trust each other because we are sinners. We should be able to “confess sins one to another” as it says in James but really only “family” is people we can trust and sometime not even family lol.
Pastors are put on pedastils and they are just as much sinners as lay men. They got the power to, and to dispose of a problem seems to be the easy way out so they can look good and keep there jobs since sins under their watch does not look good to them. just my hypothesis though it may be different in some situations.
if you know other who have been hurt by this church/pastor then its not a good church. I know you want justice and thats okay to seek and maybe seek a positive solution to the problem.
Today was the board meeting!
Tonight at 5:00 pm.
They knew we would not be there because we sent them all a letter.
No response yet.
No one has EVER called us.
Not one call in the past 18 months asking what’s up?
Why aren’t we involved?
Is there anything we can do?
10 years at that church and I sit waiting to hear if someone has a heart!
I remain shocked!
Hi again,
It sounds like it an abusive church with a long trail of hurting people just like the one I left. They abused and shamed countless christians even publically shaming them in front of the congregation. Over 1400 families have left that church during this pastors 20 year tyrannical rein.
Your pastors at this church sound like Spiritually abusive pastors. There are lots of them out there. You can learn about Spiritually abusive pastors and churches on many on-line sites. And the book “Subtle power of Spiritual abuse” is an excellent book and will give you comfort that your not alone. Sending letters to other churches to warn them of their former members is a sign and characteristic of an spirtually abusive pastor. And recieving a painful exit from your former church is another sign of an abusive church and is cultic activity as well. take care
krissy,
I hope this note finds you well. I would like to encourage you more. My wife and I left the IC a couple years ago and have grown closer to the heart of God like never before. You are not alone in this. Please feel free to send me an email, I would love to share my story of how God has been working in our lives, as an encouragement to you.
My mail is… rosacola (at) gmail (dot) com
Don’t think you are alone, unlovely, or broken. God loves you!
Rocco
We had our meeting with the elder board.
It could have been better, but it wasn’t the worst.
We had an opportunity to share our feelings and our heart that no one should have to go through this.
We left there with more knowledge, however, that stirred our sense of well being.
Be careful who you share your feelings with!
In our church, it gets back to the pastor even if it’s not about him or the church. Then it’s shared with the entire board! Then it’s kept in a record - in the hearts and minds of all of them!
Talk about gossip!
They also mentioned they could revoke our membership due to our attendance and lack of giving through all this!
Hello? We were hurt! By them!!!!
Anyway… they are to meet with the pastor and come up with a plan to move forward in a positive direction.
They encouraged us to keep going to church.
Of course we want to, it’s home.
But, I wish we didn’t know so much about their hypocritical ways!
I’m a hypocrite at times, too. Who isn’t?
But I am not on the stage preaching it and not doing it on Sunday mornings.
Lord, help us all!