Real Forgiveness

We were members of the “largest Pentecostal denomination in the world” for over ten years now. My husband served on the board and led major events.

We loved the Lord (still do), but we still had struggles.

In Jan 2006, my husband’s struggle with a personal sin came to the surface.

My husband repented and confessed to our pastor in April 2006. We had been seeing a Christian counselor since Jan.
The pastor told him to step down from everything.

After a year of restoration – a bible study and prayer time with the pastor, he was told he was restored. But we weren’t treated like there was restoration.

We felt ostracized, not helped and supported.
I told my pastor many times that I was hurting and I didn’t feel that restoration had taken place.

We tried to get involved and found that it was a “our team” vs “your team” mentality. We weren’t ONE as we used to be. No unity. No one stood with us, no one helped us.

People who were our friends before, suddenly disappeared.

Over the next year, we ran into or became friends with many others who had left our church. We didn’t look for them. We were like magnets for the hurting. To this day they are not in a church they call home.

We got frustrated and things came to a head when I lost my last ministry I had been a part of for about 8 years. It was a thank you, but we don’t need you email.

I was devastated and called/emailed my pastor.
He never responded.

The next day I went to the church and he was there. He wanted to talk in the sanctuary, while his wife set up for prayer time.

I asked him if he got my email and message. He said yes, and he prayed and God told him not to respond.

My husband had just started going back to his Bible study. He noticed everytime we try to take a step forward, we’re slammed 2 back.

Then he said, as my friend and not my pastor, “If I were you, I’d consider going to another church, even another denomination.”

This blew my mind and I yelled, “Are you not my shepherd, am I not your lamb, don’t you love or care for us?”

We talked about forgiveness and he admitted he’s just a man and cannot forget what my husband did. He also thought my husband should have repented more in front of him, broke down and cried during one of their sessions.

He said it more than once. I left broken hearted.

I apologized and repented for yelling a few days later by email.

2 weeks later we received a certified letter from the elder board, being called into a window at their next meeting.

I think our story is a sad one. What effected my family, is happening to Christian families everyday.

Why can’t we confess and be real? Why can’t we get real forgiveness and healing?

Why is the end result this?

I have 3 young adult children that grew up in our church.
Now, we are “homeless”.

I don’t recommend confessing personal sin to your pastor unless you are willing to lose it all.