Letters From Leavers

We have moved from California to Georgia. California proved way too expensive for us to live which played a roll in our decision to move. We moved to California with the intentions of helping [Church Name] grow and eventually moving into full time ministry. That never happened. Our experience there was nothing short of hell. We were lied to and taken advantage of by the leadership of [Church Name]. Damita and I tried to resign and leave without revealing our true reasons in order to spare a friendship I thought was made between ourselves and the pastors. However, when I tendered my resignation, the pastor did not speak to us–he didn’t even say goodbye. We were more or less treated like dirt. To confront the sin I believe was committed against us, I sent the following letter (I have also included th dialogue which transpired afterwards). I would’ve left it alone had we been given the respect we earned the past nine months of pouring ourselves into a needy church. And the decency from the leadership an honest “Thank you” would have sufficed. Instead, I received two letters of rebuke with accusations of me trying to divide the church. The leadership refuses to answer questions about the money which leads me to believe something not kosher is going on there. I would like to see some responsibility taken when church leadership sins against the body. It is always the American mindset–pass the blame, and it permeates the church. As this unfolds, I see more and more how people are in the ministry for selfish and greedy reasons and they could care less about the people they minister to as long as they money comes in. [Church Name] is a small church and does not deserve to pour out $7600 a month on a pastor and $1800+ on his associate son who don’t care if the church goes under. As you read the following, please keep this church in your prayers because it is under unrepentant leadership. Pray for the leaders as well that there eyes be opened and they receive wisdom to do what is right for the the people of [Church Name]——

“August 11, 2007

To the members of [Church Name]
(I addressed it “to the members” when I actually sent it to the pastors and the board–the church members never saw it)

I would like to express my deep appreciation to have had the opportunity to serve at [Church Name]. It has been an honor to minister to such a wonderful group of people. However, now that the Lord has released us and brought us to a new ministry, I believe it is time for all the reasons behind our departure come to light. [Pastor Name] thought there was more to our leaving than just the reasons we stated–and he was right. We tried to keep it as simple as possible because I felt that to save feelings and to keep in tact a friendship that was made, the entire truth should be kept between ourselves and God with offenses forgiven. But in light of the way we were treated by the pastors of [[Church Name]] our last two weeks, seems like the friendship was lost anyway. So with that in mind I will express our feelings and what we went through in this letter and pray you let the Holy Spirit help you understand where we are coming from. Regardless of opinion, it is reality to us because this is the way we experienced it.

When we arrived in [City Name], we had been told that we were not guaranteed a salary. What [Pastor Name] said he would like to do for us was pay our housing. We totally understood because we felt God had brought us out there and he would provide, which he did. But the church leaders provided nothing. An individual came forward with the money to move us to Galt, ten thousand dollars, to be exact, mentioned by [Pastor Name] from the pulpit on a Sunday Morning I believe in December. Check for yourself on the recorded CD. With the truck rental, gas, hotels, food, and deposit on our house, the total was roughly six thousand dollars. What happened to the other four? I was told it was given to move us out there, which should’ve included phone and electric deposits, vehicle registration and other expenses but we were never offered any assistance in those areas. We were always told “there is no money.” This is only the beginnng. Let’s go a little deeper—

The church got broken into in December and the keyboard was stolen. In March I began asking to buy a new keyboard. I was told the same thing–”there is no money”. The insurance should’ve paid for another one and I understand the mix up. But when $750 are spent on biker t-shirts, yet there was no money to buy a keyboard makes me wonder if church funds are being spent wisely. There are at least two people in church ready to play the keys and get involved in ministry, but no reason to have t-shirts. But somehow we miraculously had money to buy a keyboard for Pastor Nmae’s daughter in law to lead worship from in July, yet I had been asking since March with no avail. Let’s go deeper still—

After my surgery in February, I was out of work for two months. I made it clear that my family was hurting financially. An individual came forward and gave us $300. [Church Member] handed me $200. Thank God for them!!! The church pastors never stepped up. And I am not hurt by the church as a whole, but the leaders. What hurts the most is [Church Name] has had on the average two special speakers per months since we arrived in November. Special offerings raised for these people averaged $300. [Pastor Name]’s son, who came to [City Name] for a wedding, not to preach, was given $300. Why weren’t any offerings made for the staff of [Church Name] who were hurting? The ones who gave up there lives and home in Pensacola Florida to move to a place where they knew no one? We were told we’d be embraced like family instead we were treated like garbage.

I don’t want to make it sound like it is all about money. What it is about is the workman being paid his wages. If we were helped out by the church, we may have been able to stay. But I refuse to have my family treated in such a way. The last two weeks of treatment by the pastors was uncalled for. We were ignored and never even got the chance to say goodbye. We received no help in packing except from two individuals from the church who the pastors deem “immature” and “unstable”. Those two showed more maturity and love than the pastors showed!! Church Memebers 2 and 3 truly stood up and showed us the love of God–something the pastors didn’t do!

I came across the quarterly budget for the church and have highlighted some things that should be looked at. I noticed that [Pastor Name] and Son are still receiving a salary. If they aren’t then why do the books reflect it? Also you will notice that the Music Ministry has a deficeit when I spent no church funds on anything!! I was told there was no budget for music because there was “no money.” Also there is a budget for Adult Ministries. What the heck is that??? And what about the amount for Women’s Ministry? My wife did nothing with the women’s ministry–didn’t even know we had one!!!! A little deeper still–

We moved to [City Name] with the intentions of helping the church grow. Since we got there, I had been asking [Pastor Name] for a meeting with him and the board to have a brain storming session on what we could do to make this happen. The meeting never came about. He even mentioned in service one Sunday Morning in May that we were going to have this meeting, but it never happened. Our frustration grew because I believed God brought us to Galt for ministry, not to pursue careers at Cardinal Glass and Clark Pest control. Nothing was being done to bring me into a full time position at [[Church Name]]. I had made it clear to [Pastor Name] before he went on his pastoral interview in Salinas that my job at Cardinal was in jeopardy and I was beginning to look for employment elsewhere, which included full time positions at other churches. So the opportunity arose in Georgia. After seeking the Lord and considering what we have been through and there was no changes in sight, Damita and I decided that a move was best for our family and our ministry.

So now you know the rest of the story. I have more than just physical scars from our stay in [City Name]–my scars go much deeper. I want you to know you are forgiven and we still love you all. I tried to make this as easy as possible but I will not allow my family to be treated in such a manner and not stand up for them. We did not deserve that kind of treatment–we came to serve but got shafted instead. If we did not meet your expectations, we apologize and ask your forgiveness. But what you must understand is that we were under the authority of the pastor and could do nothing without his approval. We followed protocol as God intended. We pray you understand what we have gone through. It is our reality and we ask you accept it as such.

We pray the Lord’s blessing over each one of you and remember we love you dearly.

Be holy!
Steve, Damita, Nick, Noel, and Andrew ”

I sent the following email to [Pastor Name] in response to a church member calling me and telling me of lies being spread about me by the leaders to the church members. I addressed his accusations, it also gives you a more clear understanding of what we went through–

“Name-
The purpose of the previous letter was to point out
what my family and I have gone through the past nine
months. It was not intended to point fingers and if it
was taken as such, I ask your forgiveness. But the
reality is that the church leaders never stood up to
their responsibility to their staff. This is what our
reality is and we were left scarred.

Not only the previously stated issue, but the fact
that we were treated like dirt and not even spoken to
our last two weeks. Can you understand this?–you have
hurt us deeply. I doesn’t matter how you feel you
treated us, it is what we experienced. We aren’t alone
in this situation. You have hurt numerous people that
have left [Church Name]. And why did they leave? Because
they were out to get you? Do you believe we left
Pensacola and everything we had built there to come to
[City Name] and tear you down? How arrogant!!! I can think of
a million better ways I could’ve spent the last nine
months. There are several people expressing the same
thing–all expressing hurt instilled by the leadership
of [Church Name]. Shouldn’t that strike a chord?? Is
everyone else the problem or are you the problem for
everyone else? I think you need to take a hard look at
what has occurred and allow God to speak to you. All I
seek is heart that says “you know Steve, we didn’t
realize this was happening and we are truly sorry you
feel this way and forgive us if we have offended you.”
But with the lack of communication and the
justification coming from each point brought out in
the previous letter, it only leads me to believe that
you are unrepentant and that is dangerous ground.

It hurt us to find out that the leaders are still
receiving a salary when we were told the reason they
took outside jobs was because the church couldn’t
afford to pay them. Justify that!!

It hurt us each time a special speaker came through
and an offering was taken to compensate there time and
effort, yet we were given nothing in our time of need.
We made it clear to you we were hurting during my
recovery. If we didn’t , the why did [Church Member] and the other
individual come forward to help? And might I remind
you, we bought Dexter before my surgery–when I still
had income, and I bought my bike after I went back to
work–when I started getting income again. To justify
your actions in that way is ludicrous!!! By the way,
being a part of staff and a church member gave me
every right to view the finances of the church. Funny
how I never got any monthly statements–the one I
copied happened to fall out of Board Members mailbox!

It hurt us that we were ignored by you the last two
weeks we were there. Do you like to be ignored? Then
why do something to someone that hurts you when the
tables are turned. What kind of pastor ignores his
flock? What kind of pastor talks about a friend the
way you and your wife talk about Damita and I the way
you do now? I can only imagine how we are slandered!!
Based on our conversations with you and Lynn and how
you talk about others makes me wonder what curses are
being spoken about us!! Do you ever wonder why we
stopped going to the coffee shop with you guys???

We are gone from [Church Name], yet our name is mud there
because of what we went through. I pray God open your
eyes and see the hurt you have caused. For He knows I
have asked him to show me where I have failed in this.
I have acknowledged where I was wrong, even where I
might be wrong and asked forgiveness. I expected the
same courtesy from a fellow man of God. However I
won’t hold my breath–it is now between you and God.”

[Pastor Name] sent this reply–
“Steve I am blown away by your actions!!!!!

You are causing division in the church and sowing seeds of discord in the body Prov 6:16-17 read it carefully. You meet with the board before you left and you could have asked all the question you wanted, but you kept to your story “we can’t afford to live here” Basically Lied to me to the board and the church.

I called you after your e-mail requesting a meeting, you stated that all you wanted to talk about was your job, I asked you “is that all” and you said yes, another lie. If you were so hurt why didn’t you come to us to resolve the issues, instead of Church members 2 and 3, your issues is with me not them.

Steve you took confidential information from our church office, you also share confidential information with others that was shared in a Private setting, not to be shared with everyone. Steve this is not what a man of character does, you are hurting others by your action, just for revenge. This needs to stop here and now!!!
read Mat. 18:15 that’s how you resolve conflicts in the church not the way you are doing it. Steve you don’t know all that has gone on because you only have a small part of the information IE.. the monthly financial report, there is nothing there to hide, we give an account to the body every year.

I still don’t understand how your family is so hurt, my wife and I did everything we could to make you part of our family. You gave such short notice of your leaving, my kids were here and I took some vacation time and was out of town at Pismo Beach, after you read your letter to the church you left 4 days latter. Steve if you remember you told me you were leaving the “end of August”. I wasn’t ignoring you I was out of town or at work, besides you have my number and you know my e-mail, it works both ways brother, don’t make yourself the victim.

Steve and Damita you both need to stop what you are doing, you have resigned from [Church Name] now go do your thing and leave [[Church Name]] and it’s people alone ”

I really don’t know what alternate reality the pastor was living in, here is my response–

“You still don’t get it, do you?

[Church Name], stated by you yourself, is owned by the
members, in which I was, not to mention a staff
member. I had every right to view those financial
records, which only confirmed my suspicians. Our
decision to leave was made before I ever came across
that statement. If you aren’t receiving a salary then
why do the books say you are? I am not a part of [Church Name] anymore, but some questions still need to be
addressed. I sent that letter to every leader that was
in office when we went to [City Name]. It was not my
intention for [Church Member] or any other church member to
view that letter. I hoped it might have been read by
the leadership to the members that they may have a
better understanding why we left. I lied to you about
leaving to save a friendship and put my own soul at
risk to spare you and Wife’s feelings–but you treated
us like garbage those last two weeks–which was
totally uncalled for. Why didn’t you speak to us? You
never even said goodbye!! I tried to talk to you twice
but you ignored me. Church member 4 had to answer for you!! My
family DID NOT deserve that from you!
You quote Matthew 18:15. My issue is not with an
individual, but the leadership of [Church Name]. The
passage says ” if your brother sins against you, go
and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If
he hears you, you have gained your brother.” I
addressed that by sending the leaders letters stating
the infractions. However, you haven’t heard me–you
are placing blame back on me. The next step is to take
witnesses, which is why previous board members got
letters–people who know the situation, but not a part
of it anymore. The next step is to take it before the
church. And then if no action is taken, I am to treat
one like a heathen or tax collector. Do I have to take
it that far?? I hope not!!

Name, I am not causing division. You are quick to
point out how others are causing discord, but have you
checked the log in your own eye yet?? The division was
at [Church Name] long before we ever got there. Why is it
always someone else’s fault with you guys? You say you
do not understand how my family was hurt? Do you like
being ignored? Do you know what it feels like to
recieve no compensation for your work while others
recieve blessings for showing up on a Sunday morning
for an hour and getting $300? I will not go over again
the issues in the first letter–read it yourself
again. We gave up our lives in Florida to come help
you and you did nothing to help me move from Cardinal
into full time ministry, yet you and your son still
recieve a salary–talk about getting blown away!

Do you understand now? If you don’t, it doesn’t matter
anyway. It is what we experienced. And the reality is
that we were hurt and still feel the pain. I am not
asking you to understand-I am asking and praying you
accept the fact that we were wronged and acknowledge
your responsibilty. How many more people are going to
have to leave before you catch a clue?
It now rests between you and God.”

I sent this after no response–

“This is the third and last time I am sending this
letter. I have yet to receive a response from you. I
am following scripture as stated in Matthew 18 on
confronting a brother if he sins against you. You have
casted blame back on me which to me indicates an
unrepentant heart. However you cannot argue with the
facts, and the facts are on the financial statements.
Funny how you didn’t even bring that up!! I am
prepared to send each member of [Church Name] a copy of the
original letter, plus I intend on filing a grievance
with the Northern California District Council of the
Assemblies of God if I do not recieve legitimate
response from you or the board by Monday morning.”

Here is Name’s last response–

“Steve you just don’t get it!

1) You have resigned from our church. You no longer have a say!!! Remember you resigned you are no longer a member or on staff. As stated in our By-laws.

2) All the member have been given the opportunity to receive a copy of your letter no one wants one.

3) You your self stated that you resigned because “you couldn’t afford to live here” that is what we all are going by.

4) I have all ready talked with my Presbyter and shared with him concerning your letters and threats, so I have been in contact with my covering.

5) I will not discuss the financial report with you, YOU ARE NO LONGER A MEMBER. I will remind you of how you obtained that report!

6) I don’t understand you , you have left our fellowship, [Church Name] is no longer your concern, Again you have resigned.

7) Your story is full of lies, as you stated “to save a friendship” well that just does not fly, a lie is a lie.

The question I have been asked several times is why didn’t you say something before you left, if you had so much concern, instead “we can’t afford to live here”

9) Don’t e-mail me or my board or any of our member, this is over. We don’t want to hear any more from you again, unless you are willing to repent. You will only bring grief to you and your family!”

My last response__
“So be it!”

AS IT STANDS–

The [Denomination Name] basically buried any complaints I had saying since I wasn’t a member anymore, the complaints were unsubstantiated. They did look into my complaints and had answers for each one. [Pastor Name] holds a respected position in the NorCal/Nevada [Denomination Name] District. They believe he can do no wrong, he is a very slick individual–he can twist the focus off of himself very easily. He is a car salesman by trade and a good one at that. He can sell all kinds of bull and people believe him, even the lies! I filed a complaint with Child Services of California because [Church Name]’s daycare had been operating illegally without a licensed director since January. The state found them guilty of the infraction and cited them. Funny how the [Denomination Name] overlooked this breaking of the law, but the state had to correct them! I don’t know what will come of this, but it all has left a really bad taste in my mouth, which is why the Lord is leading me to start a new church that doesn’t abuse it’s flock in this manner. Please write back and let me know what you think and if you have had any experiences similar to this in church. We can work through this–it is time for the church to confront the shepherds who abuse the flock under their care!

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