Letters From Leavers

I used to be a Christian. I’m now an agnostic atheist.

The story of how I got from there to here is a long one. It has a large cast of characters, spans some three decades, and is set in a variety of locations, both exotic and mundane. The plot wanders a bit, but some overarching themes emerge when looking at the whole picture. I am the playwright and the storyteller.

And I’m not going to tell you my story.

I am not going to reveal the details. I am not going to tell you the names of the dramatis personae, nor describe the roles they played. I am not going to tell you how long I was a Christian, or how I became an atheist. I am not going to tell you the plotline, or talk about the common threads and themes I’ve noticed along the way.

Do you know why?

Of course you don’t. So I will tell you.

I am not going to tell you my story for the simple reason that you will not listen.

Oh, I know that you will read the words on the page, you will gain perhaps a superficial understanding of the chain of events, you will perhaps remember some of the more unusual names, or pick out particular problems or issues that just stand out to you, for one reason or another — but when all is said and done, you will form in your mind your own List of Reasons Why Godlessgyrl Left. They will be based not on what I have said here, but on what your religion has told you, and on what you believe. If you are a typical believer (and you are; don’t imagine that you are somehow above average in the understanding department), you will likely choose one or more Real Reasons Why She Left from the following list:

1. Someone in the church hurt her.
2. She was/is angry at God.
3. She wasn’t raised in the church.
4. She was raised in the wrong church.
5. She was never a Real Christian(tm) to begin with.
6. She was/is looking at the behavior of bad believers and judging the entire faith on those bad people, who of course aren’t really TrueChristians(tm) anyway, since if they were they wouldn’t be acting that way.
7. She’s read her Bible, but she didn’t understand it properly.
8. She didn’t pray hard enough.
9. She left because she just wants to live in her sin.
10. She’s just rejecting her inadequate parental figures.
11. God has given her plenty of answers to her endless questions, she just doesn’t like them.
12. She hates God.
13. Etc.

I’m sure you’ll be able to come up with some other things to add to the list on your own. The point that I am making is that you will look right past what I myself am telling you, about my own life - my own experiences, thoughts, feelings, and so on - and ignore it, in favor of your own judgments. You will simply dismiss what I have to say, because it will not align with what your church, your Bible, your pastor, and your ego tells you. I am the highest authority on my own life: and you will not realize or believe this.

How do I know all this? I know it because of two things.

First: I have yet to meet a Christian who did not do this.

Seriously. I abhor painting a group with a broad brush the way that I am in this post, but truth is: Christians, you’ve earned it. Some of you have been more stubborn about it than others, some have been more gentle; but every single one of you gives me at least a deer-in-the-headlights look of utter confusion. And I can tell you’re not really listening. It’s too much of a struggle.

Second: I used to be a Christian — and I did exactly the same thing. Like you, I was taught that apostates and nonbelievers were deceived by a power far greater than they will ever understand. Like you, I was taught to pity them. I was taught that nonbelievers had empty, meaningless lives. And I was encouraged to evangelize them.

Yes - just like you, I had an ulterior motive: to lead people to Jesus. Teach them the Truth(tm). Show them the Bible. It’s one of Christianity’s dirty little secrets: every interaction you have with another human being is a chance for spreading the Word. I know as well as you do that getting to know someone simply because you like them as a person takes a back seat to getting to know them so you can slip some witnessing into the exchange without their noticing. The difference between us is that I’m willing to admit it. If this offends you, don’t think I don’t know what I’m talking about: remember, I used to be in the club, too. I know the secret handshake. I still have the decoder ring, even.

So if there is nothing else that you take from this post, take just this: do you really want to understand why people leave your religion?

Then just LISTEN.