Letters From Leavers

Hi-My husband and I left the church about 5 years ago at the prompting of the Holy Spirit. Several things had happened which made our departing less difficult. The main thing for me was seeing false doctrine being taught in the system as truth, and the heart of Jesus’ message of denying self and being conformed to His image ignored. Also, realizing that the system seemed to be more concerned with getting the “right kind” of people who could carry the bills, instead of ministering to the oppressed, downcast, and sinners who, of all people need the love of Jesus the most. And we began to see that the hierarchy was done away with at the death of Jesus when the veil was rent, and that He desires all to fellowship with Him with only one mediator (Jesus) and participate. We also saw there was no inequality at the foot of the cross. I am as important as any other member of the Body, and visa versa. No room for the glory and adulation of man, one over another. Then there seemed to be no discernment at all. The system is about creating “clones” or “figureheads,” which is antithetical to the developement Jesus wants in each of His unique brothers and sisters. I could go on and on, but there is no reason. God told us to leave, and we did.

We spent about 8 months “at His feet” asking Him where were we to go from there. Mostly He just wanted us there learning from Him as He replaced much of our prior institutional ingraining. Then, I got lonely, and stated that “I need the Body of Christ”, so we checked out a home group I knew of. We did that for 3 years. I thought they were all people of the “Exodus”, but it turns out that we began to see that most of the people still went to their “church” on Sunday, and just enjoyed the freedom of Friday night also. Well, now it seems like they will soon be forming a “church,” and I can say that I am very disheartened, kind of. We really didn’t see eye to eye for the past 2 years now, so, even though I will miss the people, I knew we couldn’t continue fellowshipping very much longer. It is not just trivial differences, but major ones; ones that wouldn’t meld together well at all. We know what the Lord has shown us, and it is not at all lined up with the vision of the group. Just wanting to form a “church” is enough to send us out the door, because we aren’t going back. The Lord has shown us His church, His Body, and it is within us. Atleast He’s trying to build it in us, which is a very long and involved process-painstaking also. It really hurts to have our self-centered flesh die, and let Him take us over, so to speak.

So, here I am on a Friday night feeling very disconnected and lonely, really. I so desire to be a part of a group of like-minded believers, but maybe that is not for us now. Maybe it’s back to the quary of God’s refining and He wants to get us alone and do more intensive work. If that’s what He wants, that’s what I want, but I am still sad about it because if feels lonely and I don’t know again where we are going from here. I feel very strongly that He is wanting to break any and all ties I may have with people or things that is stronger than the tie I have with Him. And maybe this is part of that. I believe He is channeling everything in me towards Him, and He is wanting me to be satisfied with Him alone.